Relocation, either leaving their home or moving closer to you, will probably be the first step you will take with your aging parents. (other than trying to convince them to give up on driving!) I will cover all areas of the aging transition so you will not have to go through all the dead ends and stressful thought processes of thinking you've missed something in all your research.

Housing: The majority of all types of housing facilities are listed in the yellow pages under Retirement. You can also call the Thompson Community Center, Senior Connection in Appleton 225-1705 and have them mail you the Senior Housing Guide for an up-to-date list of housing. All of the assisted housing options are shockingly expensive! Paying $3000-4000 a month is the norm.

Pick a housing situation nearby. You will be glad not to drive so far.

Independent Living Facility - or a Senior Apartment with some services like optional meals in the communal dining area and housekeeping.

Assisted Living - All meals, housework and medication dispensing and supervision are done for your parent. They can't live alone in their home but are not dependent enough to live in a traditional nursing home. The parents can't have extreme medical problems as these are not staffed by nurses, only trained aides. These homes vary from looking like institutions to rambling old homes. Ask about staff turnover rate but don't be surprised if it is high. Visit all of them in the area. Are you greeted warmly by the staff or suspiciously? Use your instincts on this one.

Skilled nursing facility: For people with serious medical issues, dementia or Alzheimer's, the Skilled Nursing Facility is probably the answer. You can call the state Ombudsman, (the Scandinavian word for "representative for the people" for referral to housing that has not had any serious complaints. Their number is 1-800-815-0015. The Ombudsman can help with any emergency placement (Keep their number handy!) or long term placement research.

Staying In Their Own Home: There are a few options for continuing to stay in their own home when your parents become more frail. Call the Senior Connection 225-1705 and explain your situation so they can begin the process of helping you.

The Senior Connection is a big help in assisting you in every situation that comes up for your aging parent. Housing is also something they will help you with. You will need to get a "Long Term Needs Assessment". A social worker will come to your house at your convenience. I cannot recommend doing this early enough. They walk you through all your choices with you, with or without your parent in attendance; What needs to be done immediately and for the future so you won't be scrambling during a crisis. The phone number to schedule a needs assessment in Winnebago County is 236-4616.

Before the Social Service Social Worker comes to the house for your meeting, get copies of your parents' Powers of Attorney for Health Care and Durable Power of Attorney for finances. If you do not have these documents, the social worker will help you get this done. Doctors generally have the documents at their offices also. I cannot stress enough to get these documents in place BEFORE any issues come up about health care decisions like paying your parents' bills or signing any document for or with your parents. Your hands will be tied without these two documents. Better to get this done way before you need it! If your parent is making inappropriate financial or any other inappropriate decisions, two signatures from two different physicians will "activate" these documents as to your parent's incompetency. Soon after, call a lawyer and set up a petition for guardianship which will give you absolute power. Guardianship takes a long time (many months) so be aware of this long before you need it.

Ask the Social Worker if you need to become your parents' Representative Payee. It will allow you to handle Medicare billing problems. You will need to call the Social Security Office in Appleton 739-7744. This is a pain in the neck to do because if you don't have exactly the documents Social Security needs, they will not be able to help you. It can be a long wait in this office, so call ahead and ask exactly the documents they need and if you can do anything by mail and when you do have to go, ask for an appointment.

Ask the Social Worker about the COPS program. It is financial aid and services when your parents' money runs out. Another resource for financial assistance is the Partnercare at 920-236-4685 in Oshkosh and 920-729-2749 in Neenah.

At the meeting with your Social Worker, have with you copies of your parents' birth dates, all medications - just make a copy of the latest bill from the pharmacy or they can print you out a list. Sources and amounts of income (roughly sketched out is fine for the finances). They also need the Social Security number of your parent(s). This all seems like a lot of hassle but the meeting is so helpful and you will be much more relaxed knowing you will not have to handle all the details all by yourself, plus you can get a lot done all at once instead of piecemeal.

Also, ask the Social Services Social Worker about how to go about getting your parents a Living Will. If you need to get answers to your questions regarding Medicare bills, files, general questions or insurance forms, try calling the MEDICARE HELPER SERVICE at AMC 920- 738-6501.

All siblings need to have separate jobs according to their strengths. Hopefully you have enough siblings for all these jobs! Have one sibling manage all the big investments. Have another get your parents' mail changed to his or her house so that sibling can pay all the bills and keep track of all extra paperwork and documents. This person will need to be the Representative Payee and have Power of Attorney for Finances.

Have one sibling do the day-to-day care. This person will need to have the Durable Power of Attorney in his or her name and also the Power of Attorney for finances. You can have more than one sibling on that document.

The siblings need to realize the day-to-day care is the most difficult and the siblings need to either relieve the caretaker on a fairly regular basis or call the parent regularly and send little niceties to the main caretaker. It is very easy for siblings to take advantage of the day-to-day caretaker! If you are NOT the day-to-day caretaker, make sure you do your equal part in caring for your parent or you will contribute to the burnout of the caretaker and cause much stress and resentment! Support each other fully and express gratefulness for each job done by each sibling. No matter how far away you live from your parents or how much better job you think the nearby sibling can do, or how much more "free time" they have compared to you, DO NOT ABDICATE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO YOUR BROTHER OR SISTER! All siblings should have a copy of this pamphlet during this initial planning stage.

After successfully getting your parents to stop driving (That's the fun part!) there are several transportation options that you can use to prevent "Caregiver Burnout" and so your parent won't feel so dependent on others.

Dial-A-Ride: This is a cheap, fantastic service for getting your parent anywhere locally, but it can get expensive when they need to go anywhere out of range. Call 886-6125 for more information. You must go to the Menasha Senior Center or Neenah City Hall (Community Development Office) and pick up a large supply of Dial-A-Ride tickets with an ID card. The tickets themselves are no charge but you must present them, and the ID card to the driver along with the fare of $2.75 per leg of the trip. It sounds like it's a lot of money but I assure you, it is well worth it. The drivers are dependable and very friendly and watchful of their passengers. The phone number to schedule a pick up AFTER you've picked up the "tickets" and ID card is 734-4546. Each passenger pays the $2.75 each leg, you can't share the $2.75 cost.

Another transportation idea is the motorized or electric scooter. Your parent will love it. They are expensive and you do need to take some time and let the salesperson explain the different options available. Will it also be an outside mode of transportation? If it is, it needs to have 4 wheels, not three, for stability. Ask about a strong battery that will enable your parent to drive for long distances if that is their nature. Turning radius is important for inside use. We bought my dad's scooter at Walgreens Health Initiative at 1-800-492-5442 next to Hollywood Video and across from Valley Fair Mall. Morton Medical  also has a selection. Be sure to ask them if any of it can be covered by insurance. You will need to replace the battery once a year but that is usually covered by Medicare, ask the scooter service person about it.

Valley Transit II Medical Transport is listed at [920] 832-5800. It is transportation for the medically frail to appointments and social events. It has a wheel chair lift, but depending on the type of funding the parent might be receiving, it can be expensive compared to the Dial-A-Ride. The parent must be registered at the office at St. E's hospital first. 801 Whitman Ave. Appleton.

Call the Menasha Senior Center at 751-5173 to sign up for doctor approved discounted wheel-chair transportation from the Americans with Disabilities Act.

The Lions Club also provides wheelchairs at no cost. The Oshkosh Red Cross charges about $15 for three months.

If the caregiver needs a break, or if your parent needs to get out of the house, but suffers from dementia and can't go to places like the Menasha Senior Center or the YMCA Senior Program, the Valley VNA has an adult day care all-day program 727-5555 at the Thompson Community Center in Appleton. It is expensive but there may be ways of funding it through your parents supplemental insurance (Note: make sure they have supplemental insurance if possible! We have Blue Cross Blue Shield. You need to call many carriers and have them send you their brochures. Pick and choose the one that meets your parents drug and medical needs best. You might have to change their insurance if they leave their state to one that serves locally.  Adult day cares will need applications filled out and mailed in first so call them and they will send you the packet.

The Neenah YMCA (as I think most "y"'s do) has a very fun, active Senior Group. Call them at 729-9622 and get their newsletter listing all the benefits and activities. They have many different groups of water exercise (therapeutic, arthritis, aerobic). The YMCA also has potlucks and has an active singing group. There is a nominal cost for joining the YMCA with this senior group. They also have bus rides to dinner theater.

The Menasha Senior Center has lots of activities for young minded seniors. From Line Dancing to cooking classes! They also will send you their newsletter with the activities listed. Call them at 751-7153. It is right next door to Naut's Landing.

The more frail parent might want to go to the Menasha Senior Center just for lunch. It is ADVOCAP sponsored and has a cost of about $2.50 suggested donation. Dial-A-Ride will pick them up free of charge if they eat lunch there and bring them home. Both Menasha Food Service 725-6323 and Dial-A-Ride 832-8890 will need 24 hour reservation ahead of time. You can set up long term scheduling with them both so you don't have to keep calling. They need a phone call to cancel though.

It is comforting to know you have everything taken care of ahead of time. Talk to your parents about their wishes. This is where the Living Will comes in also.

If your parent becomes difficult because of dementia, you may have to file a Petition for Guardianship so you have the power to prevent them from, for instance, emptying their bank account or running up debt. This may be able to be done through your Winnebago Social Service Social Worker. Social Services phone number is 236-4611. You will be able to, if need be, place them against their will in a facility for their own safety or the safety of others.

Watching a previously strong and capable parent deteriorate is extremely stressful for the adult children to witness. I waited way too long to get emotional support from outside qualified professionals. I also waited too long to join the Dementia/Alzheimer's support group. Don't wait until you start to snap at people or find yourself suffering stress related health problems.

Associate Pastor Evelyn Mingle ( I help out a little with this) runs a monthly meeting for either the adult children of aging parents or seniors who want to be prepared for the next step. We meet the first Sunday of every month at the First United Methodist Church next to the Neenah clock tower. We meet at 10:15 a.m. in the lowest level off the elevator. This isn't just for parishioners so everyone is welcome. 

The Valley VNA on Bell street has a support group 727-5555 and so does the Thomson Community Center (ask for the Senior Connection support group) in Appleton at 733-2860. Even if you are not a "support group" person, I urge you to try all  the groups as they are all very different. The support groups sometimes have informative speakers for the second hour. Individual counseling for you (and separately for your parent so they can express the grief and frustration of aging) may be of great benefit. Keep trying until you find someone who is the right fit. You can start with the one-on-one counseling on a sliding scale at the Senior Connection.

Author - Cari Lendrum (920)727-4577 Email - cclendrum@yahoo.com

Winnebago County Social Services 729-4797

State Ombudsman on Aging This is a Scandinavian word for "Representative of the people" They investigate complaints, resolve conflicts and has information on long term care contact Amy Panosh at  1-800-815-0015

Thompson Community Center 225-1705 The Senior Connection is what you ask for and these are some of the things they provide: 

----One-on-one counseling on a sliding scale for the fee

----Support group - ask for when they meet

----Burnout prevention program - ask about this if it pertains to you.

Menasha Senior Center (pick up Dial a Ride tkts) 967-5173

Menasha Senior Center Lunch Reservation 967-5173 Your parent can go there just for lunch and a bit of socializing for a small price to cover the cost of the lunch

Dial-A-Ride to schedule a pick up call 734-4546 but call 886-6125 to get signed up first and get an ID card. You will need tickets after you sign up and get your ID card at either Menasha Senior Center or Neenah City Hall, 3rd floor.

Transportation program for those who have disabilities, must be certified through the office at the Valley Transit II office based out of St. Elizabeth's hospital. Call 832-5800.

Making the Ride Happen - help finding the best options for transportation. Contact Holly Keenan 225-1719 or 882-6465 They have volunteer drivers if the other options aren't the correct fit.

Neenah Menasha YMCA. Ask for the director of the Senior Group 729-9622

Social Security Office (920)739-7744

Valley VNA Dementia/Alzheimer's Support Group 727-5555

Caregiver Support Group  Appleton Thompson Center Wednesdays 1:30-3:00 contact Pat Valentyn 225-1712

Valley VNA Neenah for their own housing and In Home Health Care Services: 727-5555

click on photo to print document or mailto:cclendrum@yahoo.com

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